Big News

Today is my first day back since I found out my big news... and I'd have to be honest that I was feeling a bit nervous.

This big news came as a shock to me, because I was not expecting it and certainly did not ask for it. 

I know, that with most things, timing is everything. Allah give us something, never too late, and never too soon. I am very grateful for it, but a part of me thinks that I did not deserve this. And some people may even agree with me.

Positions in the company, is something that I never demand. Mostly because I feel like I did not do enough, or work hard like everybody else to deserve it. And with my health and limitations, I started to let most of things go, because I felt like most of those things is no longer my priority. 

Anyways, I have been feeling guilty from the moment I found out. And to this day, I feel like I cant celebrate it. I feel like other people deserve it more than me. Not because I'm not feeling confident, its because I know what I am capable of and I know what other people have sacrificed, in ways I did not. 

It was definitely a bitter sweet surprise ...... I did not ask for this, and the expectations that comes with this title...scares the S*** out of me.

I have always done things to the best of my ability with the resources that I have. And for whatever the reason, that they choose to give me this opportunity, I think that it is time for me to embrace it. I will now have to stop apologising, feeling sorry and guilty. It is not healthy for me and the people around me. It is in times like this, is where I shall find out who really is in my corner, and who is not.