Heavy..

heayy..hurmm...always been my number one enemy.... its the first thought of people when they see me...the first thing they would remark about me...and i has been that way since i can remember... i used to be thin .... after a while i let myself go and just become what i am now... i do like to eat... i maybe dont have self control.... and i for some reason have no urge to shed them all of...how to gain that mental strength and sustain it.... like today..i wake up..i want to eat less... but after a day or two..i start to forget about my aim..and just let go again..how to sustain my will?? i have that problem...can someone help me?? this issue is making my life miserable...from my family...my friends..people who i love just keep on pushing me....sometimes the pressure is just too much that i can handle..it makes me ache inside and just wants to cry.... i need help!

this entry is a result of major crying and no sleep last night....pardon my weep and loser self~